Romance & Sex After Childbirth – 14 Ways to Maintain
Table of Contents
If you have children, you may know the struggle that many parents have with keeping that romance and sex life alive after having children. It can be quite a struggle. Some days it feels like old times, with little to no effort. Other days, one or both of you are so tired, that sex would feel like a chore.
It many cases, mamas are the ones that are sneaking to get undressed without being spotted for fear that their male counterpart will become aroused and pounce. In these same cases, romantic gestures and behaviors may have dwindled down to almost non existent. But wasn’t that what helped to start the spark in the beginning of the relationship?
Whatever it was that you both did in the beginning is what will be necessary in order to stay together.
I understand that it may be hard to keep up with sex and romance like you did before the children arrived earth side. However, if you don’t work on the relationship between you and your partner, it will effect your children. A strong relationship between the parents can yield a strong family unit.
Now let me address these things the lens of the people who don’t have great relationships too. If you and your partner do not have a healthy relationship, it is even more imperative that you work on this. The children hear, feel, and see all that is happening between the two of you, even If they don’t act like they do.
Establish a strong friendship before working on the sex part. Try to work toward being best friends and developing an unbreakable bond together. Consider seeking professional assistance if it’s necessary.
Have faith that it will all work out and keep an optimistic viewpoint.
1. Dating
We should remember to not neglect the importance of spending quality time together. Make plans to block off time to go on dates. You both can go to some of your favorite places to eat or even revisit the place where you had your first date.
Consider a quiet romantic walk through a park. Pack a blanket and some food for a lunch date out on the grass in your favorite spot. Plan a fun-filled time playing laser tag, bowling, going to see a movie, or a stage play performance. Sneak out to an escape room together to build team work skills (if you can handle that), go hiking or horseback riding if there is a stable nearby.
If finding a babysitter is difficult, because many times it can be, consider a stay-at-home date. Order a Mystery Date kit or a Sip and Paint kit to make a night in together fun and interactive. Put the kids to bed and cook a romantic meal or turn on some music to dance together.
It takes more intentionality to keep dating after having children, but it can be done. Put it on the calendar and make it a non-negotiable activity.
2. Vacation
I don’t know a parent that couldn’t use even a quick getaway. Plan a vacation with just the two of you, no children this time. It can be somewhere far away or even a few miles down the road. A nearby hotel room for the weekend is just as effective as a week in Hawaii. The ability to wake up and only have to dress and feed yourself for even one day is a much needed break for most parents. Either way pack your bags.
Vacations can allow you both the extended time needed to focus on having more fun and relaxing together. It’s a date on steroids! Not to mention, the quiet uninterrupted time can be partially used to explore the wide possibilities of intimate moments. No tiny knocks at the bedroom door or whimpers in the night to interrupt the action during that time.
3. Workout
There are many aspects of physical fitness that make it great for keeping that spark between you. Working out can boost your confidence levels, making you feel more attractive and desirable. Moving your body and increased your blood flow also increases those “feel good” hormone, endorphins, in your body. You can choose to workout at home, outdoors, or get a gym membership. It doesn’t really matter.
You may find that you libido has increased. If your partner has been working out, you may notice some favorable changes in their appearance and self-confidence. All of these things could result in an increased desire for sex between you two. Consider working out together when possible. The sweat may speed up the process, if you get what I mean.
4. Work on a project together
Some couples work well together, and others don’t. If you know that you both have the ability to collaborate peacefully, consider taking up a project together. Work on a home improvement project, a musical composition, a painting, a writing project, start a podcast, a social media page, anything.
Projects are a way to bring people closer by forcing you to communicate in order to get it done. The finished product may provoke a joint feeling of pride and accomplishment. Those are always great feelings and could ultimalety increase the amount of sex that you both have together.
5. Communicate
Having healthy conversation is extremely important in any relationship. Spark up more conversations about romance and sex. Talk about what your preferences are romantically and sexually. Sharing these things with your partner will let them know how to satisfy you.
Reminisce on the beginning of your relationship. Sometimes just talking a walk down memory lane can bring back some of those old feelings that you both experienced when things were new. Relive some of those experiences out loud together and experience the emotions again. As you laugh and maybe even cry together, it can bring you even closer.
Send sexy and romantic messages and photos to one another randomly throughout the day. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way. Send a photo of your beautiful face (or whatever you’re comfortable sharing in that way) to brighten up their day. Just be ready for some possible action later on in the evening as a result of those messages and photos.
6. Words of Affirmation
Use your words to speak positive things to one another. Express how much you appreciate your partner and what they bring to the family. Tell them they are a wonderful parent and/or spouse. Tell them how good they look and how much they “turn you on”. Sex could be near as you romance one another with your words.
Be sure to express thanks for the things that they do around the house, for the money that they contribute to the family, for the hugs and kisses they give. Thank them for loving you the way that they do and
7. Wear Attractive Clothing
Put more thought into what you wear daily. As parents, we can begin to succumb to the daily cycle of things. The schedule becomes what runs our lives and before you know it, your wardrobe consists of sweats, t-shirts, yoga pants, and sweatshirts. Take the time to wear clothing that makes you feel good and that you know your partner will notice and enjoy.
It also wouldn’t hurt to slip on something sexy after hours.
8. Give gifts (surprises)
Who doesn’t enjoy a nice surprise? Well, I guess some people don’t. If you know that your partner does, why not surprise them sometimes? Buy some flowers, cook or order dinner, give them an “I love you” or “thinking about you” card. There are so many things both big and small that you could do, but small random gestures go a long way.
9. Don’t ignore anniversaries and birthdays
No matter how long you have been together, or how cluttered the schedule may become, never neglect the milestones. Celebrate each and every birthday, anniversary, and special occasions. Don’t begin to treat these moments as just another day. Recognize how far you have become, celebrating and acknowledging the past while stepping into the future together.
10. Increase daily touch
When you wake up to begin your day, greet one another with a good morning hug and kiss. When you return home after a long day, share an embrace and kiss to show that you are glad to be reunited. If you see your partner cooking or doing work around the house, a surprise love tap or embrace from behind could make them feel desired and even jumpstart a craving for intimacy.
Tickles and pinches may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but they can initiate a playful moment for some. Every moment doesn’t have to be so serious.
11. Consider natural remedies (herbs, oils, etc.) Eat chocolate
Some herbs have been known to boost the libido (your desire for sex). Here’s a short list of some more popular ones. Remember to always consult your doctor before trying any of these.
12. Eat a healthy diet
Maintaining a healthy diet is always one of the first lines of defense for your body and ultimately your lifestyle. When you fuel your body with the necessary nutrients that it needs, you set yourself up to function in a healthy way.
Eating foods that are rich in vitamins and minerals like fruits and vegetables, and limiting (or totally excluding) foods that are processed and high in salt, sugar, and saturated fats can prevent diseases and disorders. Your libido can be effected by these imbalances that occur due to deficiencies in the body. Ensure that every meal is healthy and balanced.
In general, eating more healthy and balanced meals (heavy in fruits and vegetables) can help to improve blood flow, decrease inflammation, increase stamina, improve heart health, balance hormone levels, etc. All of these benefits help with the natural processes of boosting the desire for love, romance, and sexual satisfaction.
13. Relax and destress together
After the children have gone to bed, when they are away at a sleepover, or even as they are at school during the day, take some time to release the tension. Find ways to relax together and dump all of the stress. Often as parents, we get used to living with stress almost daily. It is important to make a habit of allowing yourself time and space to unwind, physically and mentally.
You and your partner may consider watching a movie, listening to good music, soaking in a tub, taking turns massaging each other, meditating, etc. Use that quiet downtime time to take deep breathes and find closeness and romance.
14. Get enough sleep
If you are not getting enough sleep, you may find that you feel tired throughout the day. As parents, we have so much to do every single day to keep other human beings alive. Often times by the time we lay down at night, we have no more energy to give to our partner. All we want to do is sleep uninterrupted. Sex coule be the last thing on your mind at times like these.
To some getting enough sleep may seem impossible. If you have a newborn, I’m here to tell you that it does get better with time. If you have multiple children and it seems impossible to ever get enough sleep, there are ways to do it. You may consider earlier bedtimes for the children or occasional help from trusted family members. Find creative ways to add to your sleep time. You will be glad that you did.
Romance and sex are important!
It is healthy to have a good sex life and imperative to the survival of your relationship with your partner. Try not to lose the things that led you two together in the first place and led to where you are now. Remember to take care of each other and find balance in all of the roles that you both play.
Subscribe to my email list to be the first to read new articles.
www.ShacaraTheMom.com
